The Subway

Ah...the NYC Subway system.  It really is the best way to get around the city and when you think about it, the complexity and size of the system make you wonder how it all manages to work at all (and nearly on-time more often than not!).

For those among us who do not live in NYC, however, I do not want to portray the subway as some panacea of modern transportation that is free of a single flaw.  The 7 train is always noisy and not as clean as many others, and if crowds make you squeamish you can forget the 6, 7, A, Q and most others during rush hour.  My problem with the transit system is not with the crowds or the performers looking to make/scam a buck from people who are not well trained in the art of ignoring others, or the random craziness one sees on a regular basis (that girl on the 7 train after the Mets' game earlier this year comes to mind.  If you were there you know exactly what I am talking about!).  The problem is that many people are seemingly unable to grasp (relatively) simple societal rules about conduct not only in a mass transit system but just being out in public.

Basic concepts:

• Knowing the difference between right and left and knowing which side of a sidewalk, platform or stairwell you are expected to use when walking.
• When you are about to go through a turnstile (especially during rush hour) and there is a massive flood of people coming in the opposite direction you HAVE TO FUCKING WAIT - there are 10,000 people right behind me so even if I am nice and let you through (I'm not, and I won't) you will have to battle through 9,999 other people who hate you for this.  And the train leaves in 10 seconds.  You will not catch this one.  Just wait goddamnit!  
• When on the train please, for the love of all that is good in this world STAY OFF YOUR PHONE and if you must talk on the phone learn to keep your voice down.  No one else wants to hear you whine about your day or complain about the rash you have.  Nothing in your world is so important that this one phone call cannot wait until you get outside!  
• In any subway car there are a limited number of hand-holds, and in the case of the R160B car, for example, one vertical pole in the center at each doorway.  Biggest asshat move on a crowded train: when someone leans against the pole so in order for other people to hold on you have to be 6'7" or are OK with grabbing a spot that will put you in contact with someone's back, ass, etc. (not advisable).  This offense seems to be most commonly perpetrated by enormous (in comparison to yours truly) gangsta douchebags who have no concept of the fact that other humans occupy this planet and just might like the idea of not being thrown about a subway car as it accelerates or comes to a stop.  
• For tourists: people here walk fast.  Slow walking may be acceptable in suburbia, flyover country or out in the woods, but not here (City parks being the exception to this rule).  City people have places to go and things to do that are more important than your vacation here.  Not one of us cares that this is your very first trip on a real subway and you just have to photograph every step and savor every moment of the experience.  Don't believe me?  Go to any station, get out of the way and just watch how people move - there is a flow to it all and (with the exception of the elderly) it works very well in most cases because we are mostly on the same wavelength.  If you can learn to get the hell out of the way we will get along just fine.  If not, please stay home.  
• Final thought: have your MetroCard out of your wallet and ready to swipe BEFORE you go into the goddamn turnstile!

I am fully aware that the supply of hundreds of millions (if not billions) of tourist dollars are brought here by millions of people, most of whom have no idea about these concepts (we may not love you, but we love your money), and I probably should not expect a non-NYCer to follow these simple steps, but to people who live here: COME ON!


And now for the laugh/forced meme of the day: